How to pronounce "waltz"

This means, "I'm smiling."

So does that.

This means "mouse."

"Cat."

Here we have a story.

The start of the story, where this means guy,

and that is a ponytail on a passer-by.

Here's where it happens.

These are when.

This is a cassette tape the girl puts into her cassette-tape player.

She wears it every day.

It's not considered vintage --

she just likes certain music to sound a certain way.

Look at her posture; it's remarkable.

That's because she dances.

Now he, the guy, takes all of this in, figuring,

"Honestly, geez, what are my chances?"

(Laughter)

And he could say, "Oh my God!"

or "I heart you!"

"I'm laughing out loud."

"I want to give you a hug."

But he comes up with that, you know.

He tells her, "I'd like to hand-paint your portrait on a coffee mug."

(Laughter)

Put a crab inside it.

Add some water.

Seven different salts.

He means he's got this sudden notion to stand on dry land,

but just panhandle at the ocean.

He says, "You look like a mermaid, but you walk like a waltz."

And the girl goes, "Wha'?"

So, the guy replies, "Yeah, I know, I know.

I think my heartbeat might be the Morse code for inappropriate.

At least, that's how it seems.

I'm like a junior varsity cheerleader sometimes --

for swearing, awkward silences, and very simple rhyme schemes.

Right now, talking to you, I'm not even really a guy.

I'm a monkey --

(Laughter) --

blowing kisses

at a butterfly.

But I'm still suggesting you and I should meet.

First, soon, and then a lot.

I'm thinking the southwest corner of 5th and 42nd at noon tomorrow,

but I'll stay until you show up, ponytail or not.

Hell, ponytail alone.

I don't know what else to tell you.

I got a pencil you can borrow.

You can put it in your phone."

But the girl does not budge, does not smile, does not frown.

She just says, "No thank you."

You know?

[ "i don't need 2 write it down." ]

(Applause)