How to pronounce "merch"

On the Spot

with

Natasha Rothwell

Well, I'm quite excited for this format. I'm going to ring this here bell.

Some questions will pop up, I'll repeat them and we'll see what happens.

I cut my teeth in improv, so hopefully, that pays off.

(Laughter)

Alrighty.

(Ding)

What ignites your creativity?

I would have to say for me,

I have kind of an insatiable, if not annoying curiosity

about the human condition.

I want to know why I am the way that I am, why are you the way that you are.

But I think when I write, create, direct, produce,

I want to do things that people connect to

and make them feel less alone.

(Ding)

What does TV need more of?

Representation.

(Yells) Representation.

(Cheers and applause)

I remember growing up and the gymnastics,

the mental gymnastics, I would have to do to project myself on the protagonist.

I mean, Simone Biles could never.

(Laughter)

And the power of representation is exampled by me being here right now.

Part of the reason why I'm here is because of the show "Gimme a Break!"

Clap if you remember.

(Cheers and applause)

It starred Nell Carter.

And Nell Carter was a plus-size Black fatty baddie

who was unapologetic about taking up space.

And she taught me that I, too, could be a Black fatty baddie

and take up space.

And that's an idea I didn't necessarily know I could latch on to,

because I didn't see main characters that looked like me.

And so I never tapped into that main character energy

until I saw her.

(Ding)

Describe your first "pinch me" moment.

I've had several.

Ten years ago, I worked for "Saturday Night Live,"

and my very first Saturday there, I went down from the writers room

and I watched the ending credits on the floor at Studio 8H.

And when you’re down there, you see the cast onstage, clapping,

the band is playing.

And what you may or may not know

is, to the left and right of the screen, there are monitors,

and we get to see what you guys see at home.

And I saw the credits going, and you see the word "Writers,"

and then you see all of the writers' names cycling under the word "Writers."

And I saw my name,

and it was mind-blowing.

You know, I was definitely, like, starstruck in that moment,

that my name was there and I was there as well.

But it was like an aha moment,

because I had never called myself a writer.

And I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the way,

I told myself that I can't call myself a writer

until someone else calls me a writer,

and I'd given away that power.

And it was from that moment on, I realized,

I know I had ambitions to direct and to act on the screen

and to be on Broadway and all these things.

I wasn't going to wait to have someone else give me that identity.

Because just because your paycheck doesn't match your ambition

doesn't mean you aren't those things.

(Cheers and applause)

The best job advice I've ever gotten?

Be prolific, not perfect.

Changed my life.

(Ding)

Lightning round, OK.

(Ding)

A night in or a night out?

I'm going to say a night in.

My favorite thing in the world is to be cancelled on.

Make a plan with me --

(Laughter)

Make a plan with me, and text me like 30 minutes before

and say, "Nah, we can't do it."

You'll be my best friend.

(Laughter)

Too hot or too cold?

I'm going to say I'd rather be too cold,

because there's only so naked I can get in public before it becomes a problem.

(Laughter)

Winning the lottery or finding your soulmate?

I'm going to say winning the lottery.

(Laughter)

Because, listen, my soulmate is going to find me, OK?

(Laughter)

Caesar salad or chicken parm?

Both. I'm a Libra, can't choose.

(Ding)

Waiting in line for merch or seeing the opener?

I'm seeing the opener, OK?

I'm a military brat,

so being on time is late, being early is on time,

so I'm seeing the opener,

with my merch.

(Laughter)

(Ding)

Time travel to the past or time travel to the future?

To the future, OK?

I have anxiety.

This would absolutely mitigate my need for beta-blockers.

(Laughter)

(Ding)

Die alone or die lonely?

Die alone.

Die alone.

So I wrote a show about dying alone.

And that came about because for the better part of my life,

I grew up thinking that was the worst thing possible.

And what I came to realize was,

as I got older and my friends got married and were in partnerships,

a lot of them were lonely ...

and that was hard to watch.

And I realized that I had spent the better part of my life, again,

thanks to seeing them and a lot of therapy,

that loneliness was actually the thing to be afraid of.

And so the show and my life since having that awakening

has been spent finding the antidote to loneliness.

And for me, that is vulnerability

and allowing myself to have connections.

(Ding)

What are we getting wrong about love?

I was guilty of this.

I often prioritized and valued romantic love

over all other types of love.

Truly, it was that golden ring that was I was going for.

And what that did, it blinded me to the love that was in my life.

The vast amount of love in my life.

Platonic, familial.

Because I thought, you know,

"That's not the good stuff, I want that."

And I think for me, anyway,

bringing romantic love in line with all the other kinds of love

that exist within the world and within my life,

it opened up my eyes.

And I realized that, you know, my life was lousy with love.

I couldn't turn, throw a stone

without seeing the vast amount of love in my life.

And I think that also allowed me to see romantic love for what it is.

It's not the key to my happiness.

It's icing.

(Ding)

What does it mean to love yourself?

Oh, boy. OK.

Loving myself is a practice.

And a practice is inherently imperfect.

And I'm a recovering perfectionist, so I love that. (Laughs)

So for me, my self-love practice

has to have its roots in grace.

Because it is imperfect,

and I'm not going to get it right all the time,

but I have to love myself through loving myself.

(Ding)

What's the best thing someone can put on their dating profile?

"Must be in therapy."

(Laughter, applause)

That's real.

What's blown your mind recently?

Oh, boy. (Laughs)

OK, I'm going to share it.

I was debating ...

About a month ago, I had my mind blown pretty massively.

I found out that I'm ADHD.

And I know what you're probably thinking.

You're like, "Oh man, everybody's suddenly ADHD."

(Laughs)

By and large, it's a lot of women and women of color,

because we often go undiagnosed.

And a lot of those women who had gone undiagnosed are posting on TikTok,

and I'm watching it.

And I already knew that I was, like, a little neurospicy.

(Laughter)

But I didn't know how much,

until I started watching these TikToks.

And I was identifying, you know, post after post after post.

And so I went to three different doctors to get my diagnosis.

And, you know, PSA, you don't need to go to three different doctors.

But I was resisting that diagnosis.

Heavy, heavy.

I didn't want it to be true,

and I didn't want it to be true for a couple of reasons.

One, I would have to look back at my life, as, you know,

in elementary school and middle school, high school and college,

and remember those moments of acute pain where I was struggling,

struggling so hard to be what I thought I was supposed to be

in a particular moment.

When I couldn't focus,

when I was chasing dopamine instead of reading my books,

when I struggled to power through a day

because I couldn't sleep the night before.

And that's sad, when you look back

and you see all of those moments that probably could have been remedied,

had I known.

And the other reason

why I think it was also hard for me to accept the diagnosis ...

I think ...

It necessitates pencils down.

You guys know the concept of pencils down when you're taking a test in school,

and the teacher's like, "Pencils down, you're done."

So that meant I had to look at myself ...

as whole.

As "I don't need to change those things about me that were all already innate

that I tried to change my whole life."

I just had to hold on to it.

I had to hold on to it and support it and love it.

And so the pencils down,

that's hard for a perfectionist, especially a writer,

because I want to edit.

And so it was a powerful thing and a painful thing,

but it blew my mind to smithereens.

(Laughs)

(Applause)

What would you tell your 20-year-old you?

"You got ADHD."

(Laughter)

"Girl, you got ADHD."

(Laughter)

No, but for real, I would also tell her ...

“You are enough.

More than enough.

And ...

You are going to meet and hug

Idris Elba." (Laughter)

That's my time, guys, thank you so much.

(Cheers and applause)

Thank you for being On the Spot, Natasha!