How to pronounce "forties"

I wrote this journal entry in 2013.

"I've been sleeping restlessly for months.

There's a constant feeling of tension in my body.

I love ministry as a Catholic priest,

the opportunity to share my faith with people

and support them as we journey through life together.

But I have a desire to share my life with another person.

I knew, in discerning ministry,

that celibacy, not getting married, was part of the package.

But I don't know if I can do this any longer.

I'm rarely alone, but I feel bitterly lonely."

I wrote this when I was on the cusp

of making one of the biggest and most significant decisions of my life:

whether to leave ministry as a Catholic priest.

I think my life has been a reasonably unique and unusual one.

Now in my early forties, I've had careers as an opera singer,

a Catholic priest,

a corporate lawyer,

and now, a management consultant.

(Laughter)

And when people hear the careers that I've had,

the most common question I get asked --

maybe the one that's on your mind --

is, “What on earth is the connection amongst it all?”

(Laughter)

Through all of these changes,

through all of these careers,

one constant has been present:

the practice of reflection.

Now people may think that reflection

is something that happens in a dark, private room

by candlelight or flashlight,

to purge one's deepest, darkest secrets.

But I want to bring this practice out of the dark

and into the light.

I want to share how this practice can help our everyday lives,

and especially our work lives.

I want to share how this practice helps to improve performance,

to make better decisions, both big and small,

and to build better relationships.

Interestingly, in a 2020 survey of some 4,000 respondents,

conducted by BCG and BVA,

the question was asked,

"What makes a good leader?

What are their main qualities and skills?"

Notably, possessing a good capacity for reflection

was listed as one of the top five skills,

the others being empathy, listening, consideration and team development.

Reflection is about learning.

It's about looking at the events of our lives without judgment,

but with a critical lens.

I really like the way leadership professors

James Bailey and Scheherazade Rehman describe it:

"It requires taking an honest moment to look at what transpired,

what worked, what didn't,

what can be done and what can't.

Reflection requires courage.

It's thoughtful, and it's deliberate."

So how do we do this, then?

Let's take a look at sports.

I grew up in Australia,

and one of the most popular games played was cricket.

Consistent high performance from batters, bowlers and fielders is essential.

But given it’s a team sport,

it’s not just about how ... the individual performs,

but about how the team performs collectively together.

Cricketers reflect during a game, after a game and over time.

During a game, they might think about a missed catch

or how they could bat or bowl better the next delivery.

After a game, they might come together to watch video replays,

to look at what worked and what didn't,

which might differ from what they actually experienced

during the game itself.

And then, over time, they might look to the patterns of their wins and losses,

to glean even more meaningful conclusions and insights.

The same process can and should be used in the workplace,

and I don't think we need to watch video replays of our meetings

to dissect what took place.

(Laughter)

I don't know about you, but that might feel kind of creepy.

(Laughter)

Reflection can be done through a variety of different formats:

purposeful thinking,

written journal entries, audio notes, pitches,

a discussion with a mentor or honest friend.

The point is to find what works for you

and to make a regular commitment.

To examine the events and experiences of your lives --

what worked, what didn't, and why --

and then, to think about what and how

you would like to do things differently next time.

When we practice reflection as a habit, we gain even more meaningful insight,

because we see patterns that reflection on stand-alone events doesn't provide.

I truly think reflection can help everyone --

people in every industry, at every stage in one's career,

and in every point in one's life.

Let me share with you an example that I think most people can connect with.

Most of us have meetings.

I was due for a daily catch-up with a colleague.

He had just led a client meeting for the first time.

It was to give a progress update

on the work stream he was responsible for in this project.

He said to me that the meeting had gone terribly.

He didn’t get through the actions taken.

He wasn’t able to discuss the obstacles faced or the decisions required.

He didn’t get to the next steps or the responsible persons.

He felt

angst, uneasy, upset.

He was concerned about what the client had thought of him and the meeting,

but more importantly,

what the client felt about the work that was going on

in the work stream.

It would have been so easy for him to have pushed past this,

to try and suppress the emotions,

but that would have missed a massive opportunity.

We took a few moments to think

and objectively reflect over what took place,

and then to put in place some commitments

as to what and how he could do things differently next time.

He decided that in [the] future,

he would start each meeting with an agenda alignment,

to make sure there was clarity on what needed to be achieved.

And then, he'd resolve to make sure that he would take greater control

over the meeting

so that if topics came up beyond the scope of the agenda,

that he’d note that a separate discussion should be had.

Reflection helps to improve performance.

Reflection helps to make better decisions.

Imagine, for a moment,

you've been in your current role for five years.

It's a creative role,

but you don't quite feel you've got that zing,

that energy for it, anymore.

You've been offered another opportunity in the organization.

It’s actually a promotion. It’s a more senior role, managerial.

But you'll have responsibility for looking after 12 direct reports.

A competitor has also recently reached out to you.

They've offered you an opportunity

for the same kind of role that you've got currently,

but it pays a higher salary.

There's a big difference

between being a creative and being a manager.

So what is it that really makes you happy?

What is it that really makes you fulfilled?

Reflection provides a treasure trove of data

to help you work through this.

Have your reflections mentioned being bored with projects,

or do you just want to try something new?

Would you like to be a manager?

Would you like to see people grow and form and develop them?

Do you think you could do a better job than your own manager?

Reflection provides great insight.

It's easy to get lost when you've got an opportunity

of a fancier job title and more money.

But reflection enables you to focus on what really matters,

and to make better choices.

Let me share with you a final example.

Most of us have relationships in our work --

bosses, customers, clients, suppliers, whomever.

And I think most of us try to have good relationships with these people.

If I'm honest,

while I strive for this ambition, I haven't always succeeded,

but reflection has helped me to build better relationships.

A number of years ago,

I was giving a feedback session with a colleague,

and after having done so,

I took a few moments to jot down some thoughts

as to how it went.

I realized I had been too clinical.

In fact, if only you could have seen the expressions on my colleague's face.

(Laughter)

I'd raced through their various strengths

and moved onto spending more time in their areas for development.

If I'd really thought about this person,

I would have spent far greater time actually on their strengths,

actually emphasizing why they were such a valuable member of our organization,

and then, creating a space where they felt psychologically safe,

to be able to go on and explore these areas for development.

Reflection has helped me to improve this

and to build better relationships.

So this might all sound a little fine and dandy,

and may be obvious or trivial,

but the truth is, so many of us don't take time out for regular reflection.

This practice has helped me

and I am so grateful.

After I left being a priest,

I took some time out for reflection to think about who I was

and what I wanted my life to be about.

Reflection helped me to grapple with this,

and it continues to help me today

as I grapple with this and other topics.

So as we end this day, or tomorrow, before you begin the next,

sit down,

take a breath,

and reflect.

And you'll see the power that this habit brings to your life.

Thank you.

(Cheers and applause)