How to pronounce "equalizing"

priia you have been very generous with

priia you have been very generous with

priia you have been very generous with us at Ted you gave a Ted Talk on the

us at Ted you gave a Ted Talk on the

us at Ted you gave a Ted Talk on the Vancouver stage in 2019 pre pandemic

Vancouver stage in 2019 pre pandemic

Vancouver stage in 2019 pre pandemic about how to bring more meeting into

about how to bring more meeting into

about how to bring more meeting into inperson Gatherings and then you

inperson Gatherings and then you

inperson Gatherings and then you participated in a virtual Ted interview

participated in a virtual Ted interview

participated in a virtual Ted interview in 2020 about how to do the same thing

in 2020 about how to do the same thing

in 2020 about how to do the same thing in the depths of covid when we could

in the depths of covid when we could

in the depths of covid when we could only gather virtually but now you're

only gather virtually but now you're

only gather virtually but now you're joining us for the third time and I

joining us for the third time and I

joining us for the third time and I think we're kind of in another space now

think we're kind of in another space now

think we're kind of in another space now perhaps a reemerging space when many

perhaps a reemerging space when many

perhaps a reemerging space when many people are now comfortable gathering in

people are now comfortable gathering in

people are now comfortable gathering in person but some still aren't and so as

person but some still aren't and so as

person but some still aren't and so as the pandemic has continued to shift our

the pandemic has continued to shift our

the pandemic has continued to shift our gathering practices I'm curious how your

gathering practices I'm curious how your

gathering practices I'm curious how your work around the art of gathering has

work around the art of gathering has

work around the art of gathering has evolved I wrote the book The Art of

evolved I wrote the book The Art of

evolved I wrote the book The Art of gathering and it came out in May

gathering and it came out in May

gathering and it came out in May 2018 and for for about two years I

2018 and for for about two years I

2018 and for for about two years I basically was trying to make the

basically was trying to make the

basically was trying to make the argument that The Way We Gather

argument that The Way We Gather

argument that The Way We Gather matters that the way we come together

matters that the way we come together

matters that the way we come together affects our lives our schools our

affects our lives our schools our

affects our lives our schools our culture our

culture our

culture our workplaces and then basically almost

workplaces and then basically almost

workplaces and then basically almost overnight in you know February March

overnight in you know February March

overnight in you know February March 2020 if you all remember you probably

2020 if you all remember you probably

2020 if you all remember you probably remember where you were you know at that

remember where you were you know at that

remember where you were you know at that moment when you started hearing that

moment when you started hearing that

moment when you started hearing that this the sort of this thing was coming

this the sort of this thing was coming

this the sort of this thing was coming the pandemic by taking Gathering from us

the pandemic by taking Gathering from us

the pandemic by taking Gathering from us we began to see it we began to see it as

we began to see it we began to see it as

we began to see it we began to see it as something that Gathering is something

something that Gathering is something

something that Gathering is something that shapes us we began to see it as we

that shapes us we began to see it as we

that shapes us we began to see it as we couldn't send our children to school as

couldn't send our children to school as

couldn't send our children to school as we many people couldn't go back to the

we many people couldn't go back to the

we many people couldn't go back to the office there were many people still

office there were many people still

office there were many people still essential workers still going to

essential workers still going to

essential workers still going to workplaces but when Gathering was taken

workplaces but when Gathering was taken

workplaces but when Gathering was taken from us we basically began to see not

from us we basically began to see not

from us we basically began to see not only that does it shape us but we shape

only that does it shape us but we shape

only that does it shape us but we shape it we literally make it up and so in the

it we literally make it up and so in the

it we literally make it up and so in the last two years one of the biggest

last two years one of the biggest

last two years one of the biggest changes that I've seen in in gathering

changes that I've seen in in gathering

changes that I've seen in in gathering is people have now accepted that

is people have now accepted that

is people have now accepted that Gathering is something that shapes our

Gathering is something that shapes our

Gathering is something that shapes our lives and so my work has really changed

lives and so my work has really changed

lives and so my work has really changed since over the past two years by

since over the past two years by

since over the past two years by focusing on people and community that

focusing on people and community that

focusing on people and community that realize this is learnable and have been

realize this is learnable and have been

realize this is learnable and have been working with communities and workplaces

working with communities and workplaces

working with communities and workplaces to we actually put out a digital course

to we actually put out a digital course

to we actually put out a digital course to teach people the skill of how do you

to teach people the skill of how do you

to teach people the skill of how do you gather in a way that changes people it

gather in a way that changes people it

gather in a way that changes people it is a learnable skill it is not rocket

is a learnable skill it is not rocket

is a learnable skill it is not rocket science but so much of The Way We Gather

science but so much of The Way We Gather

science but so much of The Way We Gather is boring is on autopilot no longer

is boring is on autopilot no longer

is boring is on autopilot no longer actually attend to the problems at hand

actually attend to the problems at hand

actually attend to the problems at hand and by the way well before the pandemic

and by the way well before the pandemic

and by the way well before the pandemic hit the American uh Surgeon General

hit the American uh Surgeon General

hit the American uh Surgeon General Vivic Morty declared a loneliness

Vivic Morty declared a loneliness

Vivic Morty declared a loneliness pandemic before the pandemic hit right

pandemic before the pandemic hit right

pandemic before the pandemic hit right and so at at some deep deep level we're

and so at at some deep deep level we're

and so at at some deep deep level we're starting to realize oh we shape the way

starting to realize oh we shape the way

starting to realize oh we shape the way we come together and maybe we should try

we come together and maybe we should try

we come together and maybe we should try to think about doing it differently yeah

to think about doing it differently yeah

to think about doing it differently yeah absolutely it's great that people are

absolutely it's great that people are

absolutely it's great that people are taking it more seriously as a skill and

taking it more seriously as a skill and

taking it more seriously as a skill and I I think for people who already are

I I think for people who already are

I I think for people who already are thinking that way people often want to

thinking that way people often want to

thinking that way people often want to understand what um common mistakes are

understand what um common mistakes are

understand what um common mistakes are when we when we gather like you know

when we when we gather like you know

when we when we gather like you know some of the things you've written about

some of the things you've written about

some of the things you've written about that are common mistakes is please

that are common mistakes is please

that are common mistakes is please teasing over purpose assuming that the

teasing over purpose assuming that the

teasing over purpose assuming that the mo is the marrier when we host people

mo is the marrier when we host people

mo is the marrier when we host people and leaving guests to fend for

and leaving guests to fend for

and leaving guests to fend for themselves um can you talk some more

themselves um can you talk some more

themselves um can you talk some more about those and and maybe other ones so

about those and and maybe other ones so

about those and and maybe other ones so we often assume and and there's very

we often assume and and there's very

we often assume and and there's very good intent in this that if we we sort

good intent in this that if we we sort

good intent in this that if we we sort of take care of the logistics right get

of take care of the logistics right get

of take care of the logistics right get a location or figure out your Zoom

a location or figure out your Zoom

a location or figure out your Zoom connection that and you bring people

connection that and you bring people

connection that and you bring people together like they'll people will figure

together like they'll people will figure

together like they'll people will figure it out and sometimes that's true if

it out and sometimes that's true if

it out and sometimes that's true if you're a part of a close set of friends

you're a part of a close set of friends

you're a part of a close set of friends and you all love the way you spend time

and you all love the way you spend time

and you all love the way you spend time together keep doing that right you're

together keep doing that right you're

together keep doing that right you're lucky it's rare but so often when we

lucky it's rare but so often when we

lucky it's rare but so often when we come together we can actually it's we

come together we can actually it's we

come together we can actually it's we can actually feel incredibly lonely we

can actually feel incredibly lonely we

can actually feel incredibly lonely we can feel disconnected I'll give a simple

can feel disconnected I'll give a simple

can feel disconnected I'll give a simple example you know often in our kind of

example you know often in our kind of

example you know often in our kind of higher Stakes gatherings I have a friend

higher Stakes gatherings I have a friend

higher Stakes gatherings I have a friend of mine um went

of mine um went

of mine um went to uh his um I believe it was his 40th

to uh his um I believe it was his 40th

to uh his um I believe it was his 40th College

College

College reunion right and there was so much

reunion right and there was so much

reunion right and there was so much focus on galvanizing the alumni coming

focus on galvanizing the alumni coming

focus on galvanizing the alumni coming from all over the world flying back to

from all over the world flying back to

from all over the world flying back to their home country right and at some

their home country right and at some

their home country right and at some level assuming that when people come

level assuming that when people come

level assuming that when people come together there will be magic and

together there will be magic and

together there will be magic and sometimes there is and you're lucky if

sometimes there is and you're lucky if

sometimes there is and you're lucky if there is and he went and he was so

there is and he went and he was so

there is and he went and he was so excited to go and be together with

excited to go and be together with

excited to go and be together with people he hadn't seen in 40 years and he

people he hadn't seen in 40 years and he

people he hadn't seen in 40 years and he got there and basically everyone was

got there and basically everyone was

got there and basically everyone was kind of Milling about and there's this

kind of Milling about and there's this

kind of Milling about and there's this kind of belief that if we we should sort

kind of belief that if we we should sort

kind of belief that if we we should sort of leave people to themselves we we

of leave people to themselves we we

of leave people to themselves we we don't want to over impose right you

don't want to over impose right you

don't want to over impose right you don't want to make it like too

don't want to make it like too

don't want to make it like too structured and and and there's there's

structured and and and there's there's

structured and and and there's there's some wisdom in there but basically when

some wisdom in there but basically when

some wisdom in there but basically when you leave a larger group of people to

you leave a larger group of people to

you leave a larger group of people to themselves you're you're underere

themselves you're you're underere

themselves you're you're underere equipping them to to kind of get the

equipping them to to kind of get the

equipping them to to kind of get the most they can out of it right he was

most they can out of it right he was

most they can out of it right he was imagining nights of stories what have

imagining nights of stories what have

imagining nights of stories what have you learned over the last decades what

you learned over the last decades what

you learned over the last decades what have your mistakes been how right what

have your mistakes been how right what

have your mistakes been how right what is the what has our shared grief been

is the what has our shared grief been

is the what has our shared grief been where have we and we forget to act that

where have we and we forget to act that

where have we and we forget to act that it actually takes a little bit of design

it actually takes a little bit of design

it actually takes a little bit of design and thought to connect people in a way

and thought to connect people in a way

and thought to connect people in a way that allows them to take risks that

that allows them to take risks that

that allows them to take risks that allows them to know which conversations

allows them to know which conversations

allows them to know which conversations to have that allows them to Prime them

to have that allows them to Prime them

to have that allows them to Prime them Prime themselves and each other to know

Prime themselves and each other to know

Prime themselves and each other to know why they're there and to kind of

why they're there and to kind of

why they're there and to kind of activate that purpose I mean that that

activate that purpose I mean that that

activate that purpose I mean that that College reunion example is so good

College reunion example is so good

College reunion example is so good because it's so true that events like

because it's so true that events like

because it's so true that events like that can just you all standing around

that can just you all standing around

that can just you all standing around suddenly and now what right totally and

suddenly and now what right totally and

suddenly and now what right totally and and so often and I love the kind of the

and so often and I love the kind of the

and so often and I love the kind of the metaphor of a reunion because whether

metaphor of a reunion because whether

metaphor of a reunion because whether you're listening to this and it's a

you're listening to this and it's a

you're listening to this and it's a College reunion whether it's a large

College reunion whether it's a large

College reunion whether it's a large extended family reunion whether it's a

extended family reunion whether it's a

extended family reunion whether it's a volunteer reunion like whatever ever it

volunteer reunion like whatever ever it

volunteer reunion like whatever ever it is at some deep level we we are going

is at some deep level we we are going

is at some deep level we we are going because we want a sense of meaning I

because we want a sense of meaning I

because we want a sense of meaning I have this monthly newsletter it's free

have this monthly newsletter it's free

have this monthly newsletter it's free you can sign up for it and and the most

you can sign up for it and and the most

you can sign up for it and and the most recent one was called meaning is

recent one was called meaning is

recent one was called meaning is medicine and I started with a story of a

medicine and I started with a story of a

medicine and I started with a story of a woman that all of the stories I share I

woman that all of the stories I share I

woman that all of the stories I share I have permission to share so it's this

have permission to share so it's this

have permission to share so it's this woman named Amanda and it was the first

woman named Amanda and it was the first

woman named Amanda and it was the first Thanksgiving that um her family was

Thanksgiving that um her family was

Thanksgiving that um her family was hosting since her grandmother had died

hosting since her grandmother had died

hosting since her grandmother had died and they were all still pretty rattled

and they were all still pretty rattled

and they were all still pretty rattled by her death and um so first of all 90%

by her death and um so first of all 90%

by her death and um so first of all 90% of the success of what happens in the

of the success of what happens in the

of the success of what happens in the room happens before anyone enters it so

room happens before anyone enters it so

room happens before anyone enters it so Amanda called up her mother and she said

Amanda called up her mother and she said

Amanda called up her mother and she said you know Mom I know that this is a

you know Mom I know that this is a

you know Mom I know that this is a tender time and I'm wondering as we

tender time and I'm wondering as we

tender time and I'm wondering as we bring our family together Amanda wasn't

bring our family together Amanda wasn't

bring our family together Amanda wasn't sure like is this all about Grandma is

sure like is this all about Grandma is

sure like is this all about Grandma is this do we not talk about it at all this

this do we not talk about it at all this

this do we not talk about it at all this is our shared context like how do we do

is our shared context like how do we do

is our shared context like how do we do this without being too heavy-handed and

this without being too heavy-handed and

this without being too heavy-handed and she asked her mother what is it that you

she asked her mother what is it that you

she asked her mother what is it that you would most like to experience or feel as

would most like to experience or feel as

would most like to experience or feel as we bring our family together this year

we bring our family together this year

we bring our family together this year not every year this year and her mother

not every year this year and her mother

not every year this year and her mother said comfort and and happiness comfort

said comfort and and happiness comfort

said comfort and and happiness comfort and joy you know I want and so she

and joy you know I want and so she

and joy you know I want and so she Amanda listened to that right she's

Amanda listened to that right she's

Amanda listened to that right she's starting to do her excavation ahead of

starting to do her excavation ahead of

starting to do her excavation ahead of time and so she wrote all of her family

time and so she wrote all of her family

time and so she wrote all of her family members ahead of time and she said she

members ahead of time and she said she

members ahead of time and she said she asked them to send her songs that they

asked them to send her songs that they

asked them to send her songs that they play that bring them comfort and

play that bring them comfort and

play that bring them comfort and happiness so nice and then she created

happiness so nice and then she created

happiness so nice and then she created that as the Spotify playlist right that

that as the Spotify playlist right that

that as the Spotify playlist right that was playing throughout the evening and

was playing throughout the evening and

was playing throughout the evening and over the course of the evening different

over the course of the evening different

over the course of the evening different people were like hey that oh that's my

people were like hey that oh that's my

people were like hey that oh that's my song or oh that's what I learned about

song or oh that's what I learned about

song or oh that's what I learned about this this time and they found themselves

this this time and they found themselves

this this time and they found themselves you know humming to the same songs that

you know humming to the same songs that

you know humming to the same songs that their grandmother used to love they they

their grandmother used to love they they

their grandmother used to love they they found themselves telling stories you

found themselves telling stories you

found themselves telling stories you know it was she found just the right

know it was she found just the right

know it was she found just the right meaning dial just the right volume

meaning dial just the right volume

meaning dial just the right volume that's to to honor the shared grief to

that's to to honor the shared grief to

that's to to honor the shared grief to honor the shared loss but also to give

honor the shared loss but also to give

honor the shared loss but also to give people some amount of agency and

people some amount of agency and

people some amount of agency and co-creation in terms of what it was she

co-creation in terms of what it was she

co-creation in terms of what it was she kind of found this a soundtrack you know

kind of found this a soundtrack you know

kind of found this a soundtrack you know literally and metaphorically to the

literally and metaphorically to the

literally and metaphorically to the evening we don't gather when only during

evening we don't gather when only during

evening we don't gather when only during times of joy we also most of us all the

times of joy we also most of us all the

times of joy we also most of us all the time there's there's so many complex

time there's there's so many complex

time there's there's so many complex complex and complicated moments and it's

complex and complicated moments and it's

complex and complicated moments and it's not rocket science right it's a playlist

not rocket science right it's a playlist

not rocket science right it's a playlist to help her family kind of have a moment

to help her family kind of have a moment

to help her family kind of have a moment together while they're grappling with a

together while they're grappling with a

together while they're grappling with a really big change in their shared family

really big change in their shared family

really big change in their shared family we're getting some uh questions from

we're getting some uh questions from

we're getting some uh questions from members and I think some of them are

members and I think some of them are

members and I think some of them are will fit in uh right now in an

will fit in uh right now in an

will fit in uh right now in an interesting way so people are asking

interesting way so people are asking

interesting way so people are asking specific things that um that can be

specific things that um that can be

specific things that um that can be challenges at Gathering so Hazel asks

challenges at Gathering so Hazel asks

challenges at Gathering so Hazel asks what if one person dominates a

what if one person dominates a

what if one person dominates a conversation instead of letting everyone

conversation instead of letting everyone

conversation instead of letting everyone take part um how what are some

take part um how what are some

take part um how what are some strategies for handling that how much

strategies for handling that how much

strategies for handling that how much time do you have I'm just kidding even

time do you have I'm just kidding even

time do you have I'm just kidding even before the invitation is to first ask

before the invitation is to first ask

before the invitation is to first ask like what is the purpose of this thing

like what is the purpose of this thing

like what is the purpose of this thing who do I want to be there and at some

who do I want to be there and at some

who do I want to be there and at some level who do I want in and who do I want

level who do I want in and who do I want

level who do I want in and who do I want out and who is going to likely help

out and who is going to likely help

out and who is going to likely help achieve the purpose and who is likely to

achieve the purpose and who is likely to

achieve the purpose and who is likely to threaten that purpose so friend of mine

threaten that purpose so friend of mine

threaten that purpose so friend of mine his name is Adam his um actually this is

his name is Adam his um actually this is

his name is Adam his um actually this is interesting I didn't put these two

interesting I didn't put these two

interesting I didn't put these two together but another his grandmother had

together but another his grandmother had

together but another his grandmother had passed away um a few years ago before

passed away um a few years ago before

passed away um a few years ago before the pandemic and traditionally in his

the pandemic and traditionally in his

the pandemic and traditionally in his family um they would come together a

family um they would come together a

family um they would come together a year after the death to Market and they

year after the death to Market and they

year after the death to Market and they couldn't do that in person because of

couldn't do that in person because of

couldn't do that in person because of the pandemic and um he got his father

the pandemic and um he got his father

the pandemic and um he got his father and his uncle to agree to let him kind

and his uncle to agree to let him kind

and his uncle to agree to let him kind of run it they're like we don't think we

of run it they're like we don't think we

of run it they're like we don't think we can do this on Zoom like too awkward too

can do this on Zoom like too awkward too

can do this on Zoom like too awkward too awkward and Adams was like let me try

awkward and Adams was like let me try

awkward and Adams was like let me try let me try and he also knew I promise

let me try and he also knew I promise

let me try and he also knew I promise I'm getting back to your question he

I'm getting back to your question he

I'm getting back to your question he also knew that there were certain family

also knew that there were certain family

also knew that there were certain family members who would just dominate right

members who would just dominate right

members who would just dominate right particularly in a zoom context right you

particularly in a zoom context right you

particularly in a zoom context right you can kind of mute all but then it's

can kind of mute all but then it's

can kind of mute all but then it's totally sterile and so he sent out an

totally sterile and so he sent out an

totally sterile and so he sent out an invitation and he said um we're going to

invitation and he said um we're going to

invitation and he said um we're going to come together we're going to remember

come together we're going to remember

come together we're going to remember granny and um if you'd like to we want

granny and um if you'd like to we want

granny and um if you'd like to we want to invite anyone and everyone who would

to invite anyone and everyone who would

to invite anyone and everyone who would like to share a story about her that's

like to share a story about her that's

like to share a story about her that's short and sweet just like she

short and sweet just like she

short and sweet just like she was right and and more than 20 of his

was right and and more than 20 of his

was right and and more than 20 of his family members came together on Zoom he

family members came together on Zoom he

family members came together on Zoom he kind of like played you know MC or

kind of like played you know MC or

kind of like played you know MC or whatever you want to call it and and

whatever you want to call it and and

whatever you want to call it and and because he had said ahead of time he

because he had said ahead of time he

because he had said ahead of time he made this sort of joke it was tongue and

made this sort of joke it was tongue and

made this sort of joke it was tongue and cheek it was context appropriate they

cheek it was context appropriate they

cheek it was context appropriate they already knew oh I need to like watch how

already knew oh I need to like watch how

already knew oh I need to like watch how long I am and then if they you know and

long I am and then if they you know and

long I am and then if they you know and then if someone was going on and on

then if someone was going on and on

then if someone was going on and on everyone saw that invitation right and

everyone saw that invitation right and

everyone saw that invitation right and so you can kind of course correct in the

so you can kind of course correct in the

so you can kind of course correct in the chat short and sweet just like granny um

chat short and sweet just like granny um

chat short and sweet just like granny um but but the last thing I'll just say

but but the last thing I'll just say

but but the last thing I'll just say about about what was so powerful about

about about what was so powerful about

about about what was so powerful about him doing this on Zoom was in the

him doing this on Zoom was in the

him doing this on Zoom was in the traditional culture in which he came

traditional culture in which he came

traditional culture in which he came from in the traditional practice of

from in the traditional practice of

from in the traditional practice of honoring honoring The Departed it would

honoring honoring The Departed it would

honoring honoring The Departed it would traditionally be an elder or a spiritual

traditionally be an elder or a spiritual

traditionally be an elder or a spiritual leader and part of actually rethinking

leader and part of actually rethinking

leader and part of actually rethinking this tradition is they were

this tradition is they were

this tradition is they were democratizing who got to share her

democratizing who got to share her

democratizing who got to share her memory memory and so at some level like

memory memory and so at some level like

memory memory and so at some level like when we begin to think about equalizing

when we begin to think about equalizing

when we begin to think about equalizing which goes back to how do you get

which goes back to how do you get

which goes back to how do you get someone to dominate when you start ahead

someone to dominate when you start ahead

someone to dominate when you start ahead of time and two when you have a popup

of time and two when you have a popup

of time and two when you have a popup rule that's that that people can

rule that's that that people can

rule that's that that people can understand why you're setting it the

understand why you're setting it the

understand why you're setting it the third is you then don't necessarily need

third is you then don't necessarily need

third is you then don't necessarily need to you know enter the crowd kind of the

to you know enter the crowd kind of the

to you know enter the crowd kind of the crowd course corrects um but the final

crowd course corrects um but the final

crowd course corrects um but the final thing I'll just say is if someone is

thing I'll just say is if someone is

thing I'll just say is if someone is domineering and it's threatening the

domineering and it's threatening the

domineering and it's threatening the purpose the role of the host is to

purpose the role of the host is to

purpose the role of the host is to practice generous Authority and that is

practice generous Authority and that is

practice generous Authority and that is to protect your guests to connect your

to protect your guests to connect your

to protect your guests to connect your guests and to temporarily equalize them

guests and to temporarily equalize them

guests and to temporarily equalize them and to do it with humor and joy but the

and to do it with humor and joy but the

and to do it with humor and joy but the the group needs to be

the group needs to be

the group needs to be protected that's a great great example

protected that's a great great example

protected that's a great great example and I'd love to talk about the role of

and I'd love to talk about the role of

and I'd love to talk about the role of the host for a moment because I think um

the host for a moment because I think um

the host for a moment because I think um something that comes up a lot for people

something that comes up a lot for people

something that comes up a lot for people and you write about this too is the

and you write about this too is the

and you write about this too is the potential awkwardness of all this that

potential awkwardness of all this that

potential awkwardness of all this that there's this awkwardness as a host

there's this awkwardness as a host

there's this awkwardness as a host feeling like it's embarrassing to try to

feeling like it's embarrassing to try to

feeling like it's embarrassing to try to get people to do an activity together or

get people to do an activity together or

get people to do an activity together or if it's too Earnest or controlling um

if it's too Earnest or controlling um

if it's too Earnest or controlling um and then there's the awkwardness of just

and then there's the awkwardness of just

and then there's the awkwardness of just getting your guest to buy into all of it

getting your guest to buy into all of it

getting your guest to buy into all of it you know they might want to just relax

you know they might want to just relax

you know they might want to just relax and not participate so how does a host

and not participate so how does a host

and not participate so how does a host navigate this such a good question um we

navigate this such a good question um we

navigate this such a good question um we we have been interviewing people over

we have been interviewing people over

we have been interviewing people over the last two years to ask them aspiring

the last two years to ask them aspiring

the last two years to ask them aspiring gatherers what are what's your biggest

gatherers what are what's your biggest

gatherers what are what's your biggest challenge and the biggest thing they get

challenge and the biggest thing they get

challenge and the biggest thing they get stuck when they decide they want to

stuck when they decide they want to

stuck when they decide they want to gather differently is in getting Buy in

gather differently is in getting Buy in

gather differently is in getting Buy in from their people their community and

from their people their community and

from their people their community and doing something differently because How

doing something differently because How

doing something differently because How We Gather at some level it's usually

We Gather at some level it's usually

We Gather at some level it's usually implicit right if you think about our

implicit right if you think about our

implicit right if you think about our workplaces like how many of you have

workplaces like how many of you have

workplaces like how many of you have inherited someone else's meeting right

inherited someone else's meeting right

inherited someone else's meeting right you join a new workplace you join a new

you join a new workplace you join a new

you join a new workplace you join a new community and you're like oh hey now why

community and you're like oh hey now why

community and you're like oh hey now why don't you run the Wednesday meeting and

don't you run the Wednesday meeting and

don't you run the Wednesday meeting and the Wednesday meeting you're like okay

the Wednesday meeting you're like okay

the Wednesday meeting you're like okay what's that and it's usually created by

what's that and it's usually created by

what's that and it's usually created by someone else at another point in time

someone else at another point in time

someone else at another point in time sometimes decades ago and so there's a

sometimes decades ago and so there's a

sometimes decades ago and so there's a lot of ways to actually get Buy in but

lot of ways to actually get Buy in but

lot of ways to actually get Buy in but the first is to realize that people

the first is to realize that people

the first is to realize that people might be attached to the previous form

might be attached to the previous form

might be attached to the previous form so I'll give a simple example um years

so I'll give a simple example um years

so I'll give a simple example um years ago the I was told about this meeting at

ago the I was told about this meeting at

ago the I was told about this meeting at the New York Times um where it's like a

the New York Times um where it's like a

the New York Times um where it's like a 70-year-old meeting and it was called

70-year-old meeting and it was called

70-year-old meeting and it was called the page one meeting and it was um as it

the page one meeting and it was um as it

the page one meeting and it was um as it was told to me was it was it was the

was told to me was it was it was the

was told to me was it was it was the meeting that set basically the agenda uh

meeting that set basically the agenda uh

meeting that set basically the agenda uh of what seven pieces would be on the

of what seven pieces would be on the

of what seven pieces would be on the front page of this newspaper right every

front page of this newspaper right every

front page of this newspaper right every day seven eight I can't remember the

day seven eight I can't remember the

day seven eight I can't remember the exact number on the front of the page

exact number on the front of the page

exact number on the front of the page and at that moment in the media

and at that moment in the media

and at that moment in the media landscape whatever was kind of on the

landscape whatever was kind of on the

landscape whatever was kind of on the front page of the New York Times was

front page of the New York Times was

front page of the New York Times was kind of the news of the day right it's

kind of the news of the day right it's

kind of the news of the day right it's the seven stories policy makers right it

the seven stories policy makers right it

the seven stories policy makers right it was the seven stories that went out over

was the seven stories that went out over

was the seven stories that went out over the you know the wire all of that and

the you know the wire all of that and

the you know the wire all of that and the meaning took place around this big

the meaning took place around this big

the meaning took place around this big sort of King Arthur style table um it

sort of King Arthur style table um it

sort of King Arthur style table um it was as it was told to me the editors

was as it was told to me the editors

was as it was told to me the editors would come and make their offers to the

would come and make their offers to the

would come and make their offers to the Olympic Gods you know to say like argue

Olympic Gods you know to say like argue

Olympic Gods you know to say like argue why it should be there why it should be

why it should be there why it should be

why it should be there why it should be their um story and for years 30 years 40

their um story and for years 30 years 40

their um story and for years 30 years 40 years 50 years this was the like

years 50 years this was the like

years 50 years this was the like metabolism of the paper right long story

metabolism of the paper right long story

metabolism of the paper right long story short like 20 years ago something called

short like 20 years ago something called

short like 20 years ago something called the internet was created right then all

the internet was created right then all

the internet was created right then all of a sudden there was studies that

of a sudden there was studies that

of a sudden there was studies that showed like the majority of people were

showed like the majority of people were

showed like the majority of people were not getting their their news from page

not getting their their news from page

not getting their their news from page one anymore they're cut getting from the

one anymore they're cut getting from the

one anymore they're cut getting from the website they're getting from social

website they're getting from social

website they're getting from social media and yet this newspaper still had

media and yet this newspaper still had

media and yet this newspaper still had this you know this meaning and whether

this you know this meaning and whether

this you know this meaning and whether or not you are you know in Media or

or not you are you know in Media or

or not you are you know in Media or journalism you sort of think about in

journalism you sort of think about in

journalism you sort of think about in your own life like what is your page one

your own life like what is your page one

your own life like what is your page one meeting right in your family in your

meeting right in your family in your

meeting right in your family in your communities in your workplaces what's

communities in your workplaces what's

communities in your workplaces what's the equivalent of this meeting that

the equivalent of this meeting that

the equivalent of this meeting that people have a lot of attachment to but

people have a lot of attachment to but

people have a lot of attachment to but it no longer serves the

it no longer serves the

it no longer serves the need and uh Dean McKay the the the

need and uh Dean McKay the the the

need and uh Dean McKay the the the editor at the time basically realized

editor at the time basically realized

editor at the time basically realized that he had a ritual that people were

that he had a ritual that people were

that he had a ritual that people were attached to but that no longer made

attached to but that no longer made

attached to but that no longer made sense for the need and he did a number

sense for the need and he did a number

sense for the need and he did a number of different things to get by in the

of different things to get by in the

of different things to get by in the first was we need to have a way to

first was we need to have a way to

first was we need to have a way to actually like discuss what our mission

actually like discuss what our mission

actually like discuss what our mission is all the news that's fit to print

is all the news that's fit to print

is all the news that's fit to print where and how do we kind of grapple

where and how do we kind of grapple

where and how do we kind of grapple around that question in a daily basis

around that question in a daily basis

around that question in a daily basis it's not what are the seven pieces of

it's not what are the seven pieces of

it's not what are the seven pieces of you know news to go on the front page of

you know news to go on the front page of

you know news to go on the front page of the paper anyway long story short he Len

the paper anyway long story short he Len

the paper anyway long story short he Len looked at where practically when should

looked at where practically when should

looked at where practically when should this be we also get attached to time I

this be we also get attached to time I

this be we also get attached to time I believe it was at 10 or 11 he moved it

believe it was at 10 or 11 he moved it

believe it was at 10 or 11 he moved it earlier in the morning he expanded who

earlier in the morning he expanded who

earlier in the morning he expanded who should be there right the audio team is

should be there right the audio team is

should be there right the audio team is now there the the the audience team is

now there the the the audience team is

now there the the the audience team is now there who is at our meetings or our

now there who is at our meetings or our

now there who is at our meetings or our gather Gatherings is often a a

gather Gatherings is often a a

gather Gatherings is often a a reflection of our purpose during the

reflection of our purpose during the

reflection of our purpose during the pandemic I believe they also changed the

pandemic I believe they also changed the

pandemic I believe they also changed the whole thing onto Zoom but at some deep

whole thing onto Zoom but at some deep

whole thing onto Zoom but at some deep level the way to get byy in is that

level the way to get byy in is that

level the way to get byy in is that Gathering is a practice and you have to

Gathering is a practice and you have to

Gathering is a practice and you have to start asking what is the actual need

start asking what is the actual need

start asking what is the actual need what is the felt need of our community

what is the felt need of our community

what is the felt need of our community who are our allies and then how do we

who are our allies and then how do we

who are our allies and then how do we start making small changes to begin to

start making small changes to begin to

start making small changes to begin to shift the way we come together so that

shift the way we come together so that

shift the way we come together so that you're not wasting people's time how

you're not wasting people's time how

you're not wasting people's time how should we spend that right absolutely

should we spend that right absolutely

should we spend that right absolutely this that New York Times example I think

this that New York Times example I think

this that New York Times example I think feeds into this question from katti

feeds into this question from katti

feeds into this question from katti which is uh what are some best practices

which is uh what are some best practices

which is uh what are some best practices for honoring intergenerational gathering

for honoring intergenerational gathering

for honoring intergenerational gathering in the workplace because I imagine that

in the workplace because I imagine that

in the workplace because I imagine that meeting had a lot of generations in it

meeting had a lot of generations in it

meeting had a lot of generations in it over time as well I love this question

over time as well I love this question

over time as well I love this question I'll give a couple of examples um I know

I'll give a couple of examples um I know

I'll give a couple of examples um I know we're of workplaces in which there's um

we're of workplaces in which there's um

we're of workplaces in which there's um there are opportunities to in

there are opportunities to in

there are opportunities to in particularly now in the world of remote

particularly now in the world of remote

particularly now in the world of remote work a huge part of connection across

work a huge part of connection across

work a huge part of connection across Generations used to in person happen

Generations used to in person happen

Generations used to in person happen informally right it happened in hallways

informally right it happened in hallways

informally right it happened in hallways it happened in elevators right the

it happened in elevators right the

it happened in elevators right the famous like what's your elevator pitch

famous like what's your elevator pitch

famous like what's your elevator pitch you have 30 30 minute 30 seconds of the

you have 30 30 minute 30 seconds of the

you have 30 30 minute 30 seconds of the CEO like what do you say I know of a PL

CEO like what do you say I know of a PL

CEO like what do you say I know of a PL of a workplace I think it's a management

of a workplace I think it's a management

of a workplace I think it's a management consulting firm small firm where they

consulting firm small firm where they

consulting firm small firm where they started to realize that there was uh

started to realize that there was uh

started to realize that there was uh that they were doing mentorship uh not

that they were doing mentorship uh not

that they were doing mentorship uh not wrong but half wrong and they assume

wrong but half wrong and they assume

wrong but half wrong and they assume that mentorship is always sort of like

that mentorship is always sort of like

that mentorship is always sort of like top down and I don't mean that just

top down and I don't mean that just

top down and I don't mean that just directionally institutionally but

directionally institutionally but

directionally institutionally but age-wise and one of the biggest things

age-wise and one of the biggest things

age-wise and one of the biggest things that they realized when they started

that they realized when they started

that they realized when they started listening to their workers was that a

listening to their workers was that a

listening to their workers was that a lot was that there were a lot of skills

lot was that there were a lot of skills

lot was that there were a lot of skills that younger Generations are bringing in

that younger Generations are bringing in

that younger Generations are bringing in that older that that that older uh

that older that that that older uh

that older that that that older uh Workforce don't have so things like um

Workforce don't have so things like um

Workforce don't have so things like um like using

like using

like using slack as a digital native right it was

slack as a digital native right it was

slack as a digital native right it was like all all of these different elements

like all all of these different elements

like all all of these different elements and so they created an intentional

and so they created an intentional

and so they created an intentional reverse mentorship program where they

reverse mentorship program where they

reverse mentorship program where they would where they would where they would

would where they would where they would

would where they would where they would pair people up and that mentorship would

pair people up and that mentorship would

pair people up and that mentorship would go sort of both ways um I know a second

go sort of both ways um I know a second

go sort of both ways um I know a second I know a couple of other organizations

I know a couple of other organizations

I know a couple of other organizations in

in

in which again this is particularly in a

which again this is particularly in a

which again this is particularly in a remote context in their large Town Halls

remote context in their large Town Halls

remote context in their large Town Halls when their entire organization is there

when their entire organization is there

when their entire organization is there the way you open a meeting really

the way you open a meeting really

the way you open a meeting really matters and they start obsessing over

matters and they start obsessing over

matters and they start obsessing over creating Connection in the first 5% of

creating Connection in the first 5% of

creating Connection in the first 5% of the meeting and so um one organization

the meeting and so um one organization

the meeting and so um one organization that's in as well is they create coffee

that's in as well is they create coffee

that's in as well is they create coffee rooms coffee lines where they're kind of

rooms coffee lines where they're kind of

rooms coffee lines where they're kind of synthetically creating the the context

synthetically creating the the context

synthetically creating the the context that we used to have in the workplace

that we used to have in the workplace

that we used to have in the workplace and all that means is they're putting

and all that means is they're putting

and all that means is they're putting people into breakout rooms um and and so

people into breakout rooms um and and so

people into breakout rooms um and and so often particularly when the you know

often particularly when the you know

often particularly when the you know going gets tough when you have conflicts

going gets tough when you have conflicts

going gets tough when you have conflicts in your in your teams which is invar

in your in your teams which is invar

in your in your teams which is invar which is going to happen in any

which is going to happen in any

which is going to happen in any long-term relationship when you actually

long-term relationship when you actually

long-term relationship when you actually have that cross-stitching across

have that cross-stitching across

have that cross-stitching across generations and you have ways to come

generations and you have ways to come

generations and you have ways to come together and be like oh that's the same

together and be like oh that's the same

together and be like oh that's the same person who you know went to the same

person who you know went to the same

person who you know went to the same concert I went to you're much more

concert I went to you're much more

concert I went to you're much more likely to give them benefit of Doubt and

likely to give them benefit of Doubt and

likely to give them benefit of Doubt and you're much more likely to actually to

you're much more likely to actually to

you're much more likely to actually to to realize that even if you have a

to realize that even if you have a

to realize that even if you have a difference on this project these are

difference on this project these are

difference on this project these are people that know you these are people

people that know you these are people

people that know you these are people that feel you these are people you can

that feel you these are people you can

that feel you these are people you can pick up a phone and chat with but you

pick up a phone and chat with but you

pick up a phone and chat with but you have to design for that

have to design for that

have to design for that connection your mention of slack made me

connection your mention of slack made me

connection your mention of slack made me think um that this question from Paul

think um that this question from Paul

think um that this question from Paul would be a good good one to share which

would be a good good one to share which

would be a good good one to share which is what do you think about using

is what do you think about using

is what do you think about using interactive virtual tools like mural

interactive virtual tools like mural

interactive virtual tools like mural cahoot polling Etc to add meaning is

cahoot polling Etc to add meaning is

cahoot polling Etc to add meaning is there too much is there too little how

there too much is there too little how

there too much is there too little how do you manage that I think some of the

do you manage that I think some of the

do you manage that I think some of the most interesting Innovations in our

most interesting Innovations in our

most interesting Innovations in our digital Gatherings um is around tools

digital Gatherings um is around tools

digital Gatherings um is around tools that allow people to connect more

that allow people to connect more

that allow people to connect more meaningfully and often the best ideas

meaningfully and often the best ideas

meaningfully and often the best ideas that come up aren't like oh use a mirror

that come up aren't like oh use a mirror

that come up aren't like oh use a mirror board to do this it's saying like

board to do this it's saying like

board to do this it's saying like wouldn't it be cool if we could get

wouldn't it be cool if we could get

wouldn't it be cool if we could get everybody to share their best idea about

everybody to share their best idea about

everybody to share their best idea about the new product launch and them asking

the new product launch and them asking

the new product launch and them asking okay so are there tools that exist that

okay so are there tools that exist that

okay so are there tools that exist that we can do that easily um during the

we can do that easily um during the

we can do that easily um during the pandemic I'll just answer this real fast

pandemic I'll just answer this real fast

pandemic I'll just answer this real fast I was so interested in the people

I was so interested in the people

I was so interested in the people hacking together tools that didn't yet

hacking together tools that didn't yet

hacking together tools that didn't yet exist

exist

exist right and so I don't know if you all

right and so I don't know if you all

right and so I don't know if you all remember this but one of my favorite

remember this but one of my favorite

remember this but one of my favorite tweets during the pandemic was um from a

tweets during the pandemic was um from a

tweets during the pandemic was um from a guy he said something like last

guy he said something like last

guy he said something like last night I went to a digital

night I went to a digital

night I went to a digital party it was called the bodessy in which

party it was called the bodessy in which

party it was called the bodessy in which every room it was a global digital party

every room it was a global digital party

every room it was a global digital party in which every room every Zoom room was

in which every room every Zoom room was

in which every room every Zoom room was a different part of the body so you

a different part of the body so you

a different part of the body so you could sort of like navigate through

could sort of like navigate through

could sort of like navigate through these different breakout rooms and like

these different breakout rooms and like

these different breakout rooms and like the throat was like a place where you

the throat was like a place where you

the throat was like a place where you could um was like the bar and you could

could um was like the bar and you could

could um was like the bar and you could take shots of dyed Pepsi or whatever

take shots of dyed Pepsi or whatever

take shots of dyed Pepsi or whatever tequila whatever you're having and um

tequila whatever you're having and um

tequila whatever you're having and um and the and then I

and the and then I

and the and then I entered this other

entered this other

entered this other room and it was the womb and everyone

room and it was the womb and everyone

room and it was the womb and everyone was in their own

bathtub right like and and and and it

bathtub right like and and and and it

bathtub right like and and and and it was like and then it turned into this

was like and then it turned into this

was like and then it turned into this like hot tub party but everyone was in

like hot tub party but everyone was in

like hot tub party but everyone was in their own bathtub zooming in

their own bathtub zooming in

their own bathtub zooming in and it was it totally broke like blew my

and it was it totally broke like blew my

and it was it totally broke like blew my mind that this was actually possible and

mind that this was actually possible and

mind that this was actually possible and you know I was chuckling watching these

you know I was chuckling watching these

you know I was chuckling watching these like like deep deep Ingenuity right

like like deep deep Ingenuity right

like like deep deep Ingenuity right connection it's like don't let our to

connection it's like don't let our to

connection it's like don't let our to don't get too overwhelmed by the tools

don't get too overwhelmed by the tools

don't get too overwhelmed by the tools look for where there's desire and

look for where there's desire and

look for where there's desire and interest and connection and then find

interest and connection and then find

interest and connection and then find the infrastructure to just help it along

the infrastructure to just help it along

the infrastructure to just help it along that is amazing I would have loved to

that is amazing I would have loved to

that is amazing I would have loved to have attended

have attended

have attended that um what you're saying makes me

that um what you're saying makes me

that um what you're saying makes me think about something write about a lot

think about something write about a lot

think about something write about a lot which is psychological togetherness and

which is psychological togetherness and

which is psychological togetherness and how that um can come about in Virtual

how that um can come about in Virtual

how that um can come about in Virtual Gatherings or not so I know a lot of

Gatherings or not so I know a lot of

Gatherings or not so I know a lot of what you're you've just shared is our

what you're you've just shared is our

what you're you've just shared is our examples of how we create that but what

examples of how we create that but what

examples of how we create that but what are some other ways we we make

are some other ways we we make

are some other ways we we make psychological togetherness

psychological togetherness

psychological togetherness virtually you know whether it's in

virtually you know whether it's in

virtually you know whether it's in person or whether it's whether it's uh

person or whether it's whether it's uh

person or whether it's whether it's uh virtual or

virtual or

virtual or online every Gathering we attend no

online every Gathering we attend no

online every Gathering we attend no matter how senior you are in

matter how senior you are in

matter how senior you are in Organization no matter whether you are

Organization no matter whether you are

Organization no matter whether you are an in-law and a family or whether you

an in-law and a family or whether you

an in-law and a family or whether you are you know um the family of origin we

are you know um the family of origin we

are you know um the family of origin we all walk in at some or we enter a room

all walk in at some or we enter a room

all walk in at some or we enter a room we enter a zoom kind of asking like do I

we enter a zoom kind of asking like do I

we enter a zoom kind of asking like do I belong here I think of gatherings as

belong here I think of gatherings as

belong here I think of gatherings as temporary alternative worlds where we

temporary alternative worlds where we

temporary alternative worlds where we need to open them and then we need to

need to open them and then we need to

need to open them and then we need to close them and the first 5% the opening

close them and the first 5% the opening

close them and the first 5% the opening really matters the opening is the

really matters the opening is the

really matters the opening is the highest the invitation what you say in

highest the invitation what you say in

highest the invitation what you say in the invitation and then the opening is

the invitation and then the opening is

the invitation and then the opening is the highest opportunity to help people

the highest opportunity to help people

the highest opportunity to help people feel like they belong and particularly

feel like they belong and particularly

feel like they belong and particularly and you can do that in super simple ways

and you can do that in super simple ways

and you can do that in super simple ways um in our digital course we actually

um in our digital course we actually

um in our digital course we actually have all of these ways that people use

have all of these ways that people use

have all of these ways that people use the chat box to create psychological

the chat box to create psychological

the chat box to create psychological togetherness in in in our online

togetherness in in in our online

togetherness in in in our online environments so often that first 5% is

environments so often that first 5% is

environments so often that first 5% is is sort of clunky you know it's kind of

is sort of clunky you know it's kind of

is sort of clunky you know it's kind of awkward like what are we doing here how

awkward like what are we doing here how

awkward like what are we doing here how like ah and in our in in our inperson

like ah and in our in in our inperson

like ah and in our in in our inperson environments actually those are the best

environments actually those are the best

environments actually those are the best moments because it's when people have

moments because it's when people have

moments because it's when people have the most agency in a room you can choose

the most agency in a room you can choose

the most agency in a room you can choose whether you're in front of the room

whether you're in front of the room

whether you're in front of the room person whether you're back of the room

person whether you're back of the room

person whether you're back of the room person where like grab some almonds have

person where like grab some almonds have

person where like grab some almonds have the conversation you actually want to

the conversation you actually want to

the conversation you actually want to have in our Zoom environments we have

have in our Zoom environments we have

have in our Zoom environments we have less agency so for example if you want

less agency so for example if you want

less agency so for example if you want to pop into the chat right now drop into

to pop into the chat right now drop into

to pop into the chat right now drop into the chat um the first concert you ever

the chat um the first concert you ever

the chat um the first concert you ever went to and who you attended with who

went to and who you attended with who

went to and who you attended with who took you right and whether you're

took you right and whether you're

took you right and whether you're watching this live or or

watching this live or or

watching this live or or afterwards like right now you know I'm

afterwards like right now you know I'm

afterwards like right now you know I'm seeing New Kids on the Block right Led

seeing New Kids on the Block right Led

seeing New Kids on the Block right Led Zeppelin James Taylor Tina Turner Amy

Zeppelin James Taylor Tina Turner Amy

Zeppelin James Taylor Tina Turner Amy Grant Whitney Houston right all of a

Grant Whitney Houston right all of a

Grant Whitney Houston right all of a sudden you have so much the Eagles right

sudden you have so much the Eagles right

sudden you have so much the Eagles right Barry Manalo Michael Jackson Shakira

Barry Manalo Michael Jackson Shakira

Barry Manalo Michael Jackson Shakira right first of all y'all like music

right first of all y'all like music

right first of all y'all like music which is

which is

which is great and and so much is all of a sudden

great and and so much is all of a sudden

great and and so much is all of a sudden it's like oh my gosh wow like their

it's like oh my gosh wow like their

it's like oh my gosh wow like their first concert is my first concert or oh

first concert is my first concert or oh

first concert is my first concert or oh my goodness I didn't realize that they

my goodness I didn't realize that they

my goodness I didn't realize that they were that old or wow right like oh my

were that old or wow right like oh my

were that old or wow right like oh my wow they went to that iconic concert

wow they went to that iconic concert

wow they went to that iconic concert right in Brazil whoa and Gathering can

right in Brazil whoa and Gathering can

right in Brazil whoa and Gathering can build a sense of community and so much

build a sense of community and so much

build a sense of community and so much of what we are doing here is helping us

of what we are doing here is helping us

of what we are doing here is helping us all create meaningful connection without

all create meaningful connection without

all create meaningful connection without all having to be the same but part of

all having to be the same but part of

all having to be the same but part of the part of the tool of creating

the part of the tool of creating

the part of the tool of creating psychological togetherness is first the

psychological togetherness is first the

psychological togetherness is first the Deep empathy to realize you have to

Deep empathy to realize you have to

Deep empathy to realize you have to stitch it you have to create it but not

stitch it you have to create it but not

stitch it you have to create it but not yourself crowdsource it and find

yourself crowdsource it and find

yourself crowdsource it and find appropriate you know relevant questions

appropriate you know relevant questions

appropriate you know relevant questions for your audience depending on who you

for your audience depending on who you

for your audience depending on who you are to help people understand what it

are to help people understand what it

are to help people understand what it is these are incredibly helpful uh ideas

is these are incredibly helpful uh ideas

is these are incredibly helpful uh ideas for for virtual Gathering so thank you

for for virtual Gathering so thank you

for for virtual Gathering so thank you for all this

for all this

for all this I'd love to Pivot back to in person for

I'd love to Pivot back to in person for

I'd love to Pivot back to in person for a moment um and there's something that

a moment um and there's something that

a moment um and there's something that you've talked about before that I think

you've talked about before that I think

you've talked about before that I think is a great example the the birthday

is a great example the the birthday

is a great example the the birthday party so you talk about how birthday

party so you talk about how birthday

party so you talk about how birthday parties can be these autopilot

parties can be these autopilot

parties can be these autopilot Gatherings that we assume they have to

Gatherings that we assume they have to

Gatherings that we assume they have to be they have to take a specific form and

be they have to take a specific form and

be they have to take a specific form and we're just going to go through the

we're just going to go through the

we're just going to go through the motions um and you instead suggest that

motions um and you instead suggest that

motions um and you instead suggest that we start with purpose and redesign a

we start with purpose and redesign a

we start with purpose and redesign a birthday party based on what we're

birthday party based on what we're

birthday party based on what we're actually craving this year I know you

actually craving this year I know you

actually craving this year I know you kind of talked about this a little bit

kind of talked about this a little bit

kind of talked about this a little bit with the Thanksgiving dinner example but

with the Thanksgiving dinner example but

with the Thanksgiving dinner example but I think something about this birthday

I think something about this birthday

I think something about this birthday party example is great because it's just

party example is great because it's just

party example is great because it's just something that most people go too many

something that most people go too many

something that most people go too many of every year right so how do we make

of every year right so how do we make

of every year right so how do we make these better I had a friend who um

these better I had a friend who um

these better I had a friend who um realized I want to have a sense this

realized I want to have a sense this

realized I want to have a sense this year of a more sense of adventure and so

year of a more sense of adventure and so

year of a more sense of adventure and so um for so their birthday party was

um for so their birthday party was

um for so their birthday party was inviting people they lived in a Seaside

inviting people they lived in a Seaside

inviting people they lived in a Seaside city um inviting inviting a group of

city um inviting inviting a group of

city um inviting inviting a group of friends to come and watch the Fisher

friends to come and watch the Fisher

friends to come and watch the Fisher women at 5:00 a.m. drag in their

women at 5:00 a.m. drag in their

women at 5:00 a.m. drag in their Nets and watch the Sun

Nets and watch the Sun

Nets and watch the Sun together and part and and they again

together and part and and they again

together and part and and they again explain it in the invitation ahead of

explain it in the invitation ahead of

explain it in the invitation ahead of time like why am I doing this why am I

time like why am I doing this why am I

time like why am I doing this why am I inviting you to do this also people can

inviting you to do this also people can

inviting you to do this also people can say no right it's like love you see you

say no right it's like love you see you

say no right it's like love you see you at nine but at some level like

at nine but at some level like

at nine but at some level like Gatherings that are specific that are

Gatherings that are specific that are

Gatherings that are specific that are disputable meaning like it's not for

disputable meaning like it's not for

disputable meaning like it's not for everyone it doesn't have to be for

everyone it doesn't have to be for

everyone it doesn't have to be for everyone it's a it comes from a real

everyone it's a it comes from a real

everyone it's a it comes from a real need it also allows people to feel like

need it also allows people to feel like

need it also allows people to feel like when they choose to show up they're

when they choose to show up they're

when they choose to show up they're being of use versus being used you're

being of use versus being used you're

being of use versus being used you're not like sort of squishing all the

not like sort of squishing all the

not like sort of squishing all the bodies into the room to show sort of

bodies into the room to show sort of

bodies into the room to show sort of like to demonstrate some point it's

like to demonstrate some point it's

like to demonstrate some point it's actually from the inside out which is

actually from the inside out which is

actually from the inside out which is saying hey I'm feeling this maybe you're

saying hey I'm feeling this maybe you're

saying hey I'm feeling this maybe you're feeling this too um it could be just

feeling this too um it could be just

feeling this too um it could be just thinking differently about how we spend

thinking differently about how we spend

thinking differently about how we spend our time it could be hey I never get to

our time it could be hey I never get to

our time it could be hey I never get to go I always think about going hiking and

go I always think about going hiking and

go I always think about going hiking and I never get to actually go hiking for

I never get to actually go hiking for

I never get to actually go hiking for this year I actually wanted to go who

this year I actually wanted to go who

this year I actually wanted to go who wants to come with me it's just it's in

wants to come with me it's just it's in

wants to come with me it's just it's in it's inviting an intentional

it's inviting an intentional

it's inviting an intentional Interruption and allowing people to kind

Interruption and allowing people to kind

Interruption and allowing people to kind of shift away they spend time together

of shift away they spend time together

of shift away they spend time together and at some level using your excus as of

and at some level using your excus as of

and at some level using your excus as of birthday if you choose to kind of bring

birthday if you choose to kind of bring

birthday if you choose to kind of bring closer to you the life of your choosing

closer to you the life of your choosing

closer to you the life of your choosing so uh pivoting a little bit into the

so uh pivoting a little bit into the

so uh pivoting a little bit into the digital course that you teach because I

digital course that you teach because I

digital course that you teach because I think um you mentioned something at one

think um you mentioned something at one

think um you mentioned something at one point that I think would be really

point that I think would be really

point that I think would be really interesting to hear about which is um

interesting to hear about which is um

interesting to hear about which is um there's there's some common struggles

there's there's some common struggles

there's there's some common struggles people have when they're hosting

people have when they're hosting

people have when they're hosting Gatherings and what are some of the most

Gatherings and what are some of the most

Gatherings and what are some of the most common struggles and and how how do you

common struggles and and how how do you

common struggles and and how how do you help them address those the first unit

help them address those the first unit

help them address those the first unit this is the first work this is the first

this is the first work this is the first

this is the first work this is the first worksheet that we use for all of our

worksheet that we use for all of our

worksheet that we use for all of our students on how do you develop a

students on how do you develop a

students on how do you develop a discernable purpose what does it

discernable purpose what does it

discernable purpose what does it actually mean to be disputable as a

actually mean to be disputable as a

actually mean to be disputable as a purpose is the purpose of a wedding to

purpose is the purpose of a wedding to

purpose is the purpose of a wedding to honor the previous generation as it is

honor the previous generation as it is

honor the previous generation as it is in so many cultural contexts or is the

in so many cultural contexts or is the

in so many cultural contexts or is the purpose of a wedding first and foremost

purpose of a wedding first and foremost

purpose of a wedding first and foremost to unite these two communities to to

to unite these two communities to to

to unite these two communities to to create cross cross stitching between

create cross cross stitching between

create cross cross stitching between these people and friends so that when

these people and friends so that when

these people and friends so that when the going gets tough as it does in all

the going gets tough as it does in all

the going gets tough as it does in all long term relationships you have people

long term relationships you have people

long term relationships you have people tapping you on your shoulder saying

tapping you on your shoulder saying

tapping you on your shoulder saying remember your vows remember what it felt

remember your vows remember what it felt

remember your vows remember what it felt like to be there that day remember what

like to be there that day remember what

like to be there that day remember what you committed to each other but these

you committed to each other but these

you committed to each other but these are two different purposes and so often

are two different purposes and so often

are two different purposes and so often when we don't pause to get really clear

when we don't pause to get really clear

when we don't pause to get really clear even within ourselves what's the purpose

even within ourselves what's the purpose

even within ourselves what's the purpose of this thing what's the need what is my

of this thing what's the need what is my

of this thing what's the need what is my desired outcome we just basically the

desired outcome we just basically the

desired outcome we just basically the conflict goes into proxy wars like the

conflict goes into proxy wars like the

conflict goes into proxy wars like the guest list right there's the last

guest list right there's the last

guest list right there's the last there's the final wedding invitation go

there's the final wedding invitation go

there's the final wedding invitation go to your mother's colleague or to your

to your mother's colleague or to your

to your mother's colleague or to your college buddy and so the biggest thing

college buddy and so the biggest thing

college buddy and so the biggest thing that we skip the biggest mistake we make

that we skip the biggest mistake we make

that we skip the biggest mistake we make is we assume that the purpose is obvious

is we assume that the purpose is obvious

is we assume that the purpose is obvious and

and

and shared and the biggest shift to have

shared and the biggest shift to have

shared and the biggest shift to have more meaningful Gatherings is every

more meaningful Gatherings is every

more meaningful Gatherings is every single time the more obvious seeming the

single time the more obvious seeming the

single time the more obvious seeming the Gathering the more important it is to

Gathering the more important it is to

Gathering the more important it is to ask this question what is the purpose of

ask this question what is the purpose of

ask this question what is the purpose of the staff meeting what is the purpose of

the staff meeting what is the purpose of

the staff meeting what is the purpose of the 50th anniversary of our company what

the 50th anniversary of our company what

the 50th anniversary of our company what do you mean what is the purpose no

do you mean what is the purpose no

do you mean what is the purpose no really what's the purpose is it to on to

really what's the purpose is it to on to

really what's the purpose is it to on to the past is it on to the future is it to

the past is it on to the future is it to

the past is it on to the future is it to focus on newer employees is it to re

focus on newer employees is it to re

focus on newer employees is it to re ignite the vows of the people who have

ignite the vows of the people who have

ignite the vows of the people who have been their longest what is the unique

been their longest what is the unique

been their longest what is the unique and disputable purpose and then you can

and disputable purpose and then you can

and disputable purpose and then you can actually start deciding how you spend

actually start deciding how you spend

actually start deciding how you spend your time and what the story of the

your time and what the story of the

your time and what the story of the Gathering is that's such a powerful

Gathering is that's such a powerful

Gathering is that's such a powerful point that the more common the Gathering

point that the more common the Gathering

point that the more common the Gathering the more important this is and maybe

the more important this is and maybe

the more important this is and maybe that's not very intuitive I think if if

that's not very intuitive I think if if

that's not very intuitive I think if if you haven't been in this world before um

you haven't been in this world before um

you haven't been in this world before um so all that is really valuable for the

so all that is really valuable for the

so all that is really valuable for the host and I think Susan's question is is

host and I think Susan's question is is

host and I think Susan's question is is a really interesting one for the

a really interesting one for the

a really interesting one for the attendee perspective she asks what about

attendee perspective she asks what about

attendee perspective she asks what about the attendee of a gathering how how do

the attendee of a gathering how how do

the attendee of a gathering how how do they get the most out of the

they get the most out of the

they get the most out of the event Susan I love this question um this

event Susan I love this question um this

event Susan I love this question um this work is called the art of gathering not

work is called the art of gathering not

work is called the art of gathering not the art of hosting in part because I

the art of hosting in part because I

the art of hosting in part because I believe guests have a lot of

believe guests have a lot of

believe guests have a lot of power and first of all from the moment

power and first of all from the moment

power and first of all from the moment uh well ahead of time I said this

uh well ahead of time I said this

uh well ahead of time I said this earlier like the way we spend our time

earlier like the way we spend our time

earlier like the way we spend our time is the most sacred thing we have and so

is the most sacred thing we have and so

is the most sacred thing we have and so Practice What I Call intentional

Practice What I Call intentional

Practice What I Call intentional guesting so we've heard about

guesting so we've heard about

guesting so we've heard about nutritional diets meaning the diets of a

nutritional diets meaning the diets of a

nutritional diets meaning the diets of a people sort of what do we put into our

people sort of what do we put into our

people sort of what do we put into our bodies we've heard about informational

bodies we've heard about informational

bodies we've heard about informational diets what do we read what do we Doom

diets what do we read what do we Doom

diets what do we read what do we Doom scroll or not and I want to introduce

scroll or not and I want to introduce

scroll or not and I want to introduce you to sort of an idea around a

you to sort of an idea around a

you to sort of an idea around a gathering diet which is within your

gathering diet which is within your

gathering diet which is within your family within your communities within

family within your communities within

family within your communities within your friend groups but within within

your friend groups but within within

your friend groups but within within yourself like to actually start thinking

yourself like to actually start thinking

yourself like to actually start thinking not just one gathering at a time but

not just one gathering at a time but

not just one gathering at a time but over time like how often what does it

over time like how often what does it

over time like how often what does it mean to be part of a community how often

mean to be part of a community how often

mean to be part of a community how often do I host how often should I guest what

do I host how often should I guest what

do I host how often should I guest what is too much right what are the RMS of

is too much right what are the RMS of

is too much right what are the RMS of our family or chosen family in which we

our family or chosen family in which we

our family or chosen family in which we go out into the world and when are we

go out into the world and when are we

go out into the world and when are we when are we kind of at home and to

when are we kind of at home and to

when are we kind of at home and to really think about to think about that

really think about to think about that

really think about to think about that as in a more intentional time otherwise

as in a more intentional time otherwise

as in a more intentional time otherwise a couple of different things happen one

a couple of different things happen one

a couple of different things happen one is if you're anything like the people

is if you're anything like the people

is if you're anything like the people you know in my in my world and myself

you know in my in my world and myself

you know in my in my world and myself it's like you kind of like intentionally

it's like you kind of like intentionally

it's like you kind of like intentionally say yeah yeah yeah I'll be there and

say yeah yeah yeah I'll be there and

say yeah yeah yeah I'll be there and then you have sort of last minute

then you have sort of last minute

then you have sort of last minute flaking or last minute like that's not

flaking or last minute like that's not

flaking or last minute like that's not helpful particularly to to anyone

helpful particularly to to anyone

helpful particularly to to anyone particularly to the guest I mean to the

particularly to the guest I mean to the

particularly to the guest I mean to the host um but the second thing is if you

host um but the second thing is if you

host um but the second thing is if you once so part of practicing the Gathering

once so part of practicing the Gathering

once so part of practicing the Gathering diet is to think about your ratio of of

diet is to think about your ratio of of

diet is to think about your ratio of of gatherings but the second is to start a

gatherings but the second is to start a

gatherings but the second is to start a practice where you're being more

practice where you're being more

practice where you're being more intentional about what you choose to

intentional about what you choose to

intentional about what you choose to attend and how you attended and to

attend and how you attended and to

attend and how you attended and to practice what I call either the chosen

practice what I call either the chosen

practice what I call either the chosen or decisive yes or the connected

or decisive yes or the connected

or decisive yes or the connected no and invitations are relational right

no and invitations are relational right

no and invitations are relational right I almost think of an invitation as I'm

I almost think of an invitation as I'm

I almost think of an invitation as I'm throwing a ball like the the host is

throwing a ball like the the host is

throwing a ball like the the host is throwing the ball to the guests and the

throwing the ball to the guests and the

throwing the ball to the guests and the guests are catching it and the only way

guests are catching it and the only way

guests are catching it and the only way to not throw it back is to not answer

to not throw it back is to not answer

to not throw it back is to not answer right or just kind of say maybe in the

right or just kind of say maybe in the

right or just kind of say maybe in the sort of modern way but to throw back and

sort of modern way but to throw back and

sort of modern way but to throw back and to then to then practice you know

to then to then practice you know

to then to then practice you know whenever you host anything it can be a

whenever you host anything it can be a

whenever you host anything it can be a meeting it can be a text thread with

meeting it can be a text thread with

meeting it can be a text thread with your friends right you put something out

your friends right you put something out

your friends right you put something out there and whenever whether it's you know

there and whenever whether it's you know

there and whenever whether it's you know charmila or Dave who responds like yes

charmila or Dave who responds like yes

charmila or Dave who responds like yes yes yes I'll be there it's like oh thank

yes yes I'll be there it's like oh thank

yes yes I'll be there it's like oh thank you right someone's enthusiastic about

you right someone's enthusiastic about

you right someone's enthusiastic about it someone's right so how what does it

it someone's right so how what does it

it someone's right so how what does it mean to be a chosen connected yes if you

mean to be a chosen connected yes if you

mean to be a chosen connected yes if you choose to go or a connected no which is

choose to go or a connected no which is

choose to go or a connected no which is to say thank you so much for inviting me

to say thank you so much for inviting me

to say thank you so much for inviting me thank you for like I'm so grateful you

thank you for like I'm so grateful you

thank you for like I'm so grateful you thought of me we're saying closer to

thought of me we're saying closer to

thought of me we're saying closer to home this year but I really appreciate

home this year but I really appreciate

home this year but I really appreciate the invitation right there's so many

the invitation right there's so many

the invitation right there's so many ways to to say no the final thing I'll

ways to to say no the final thing I'll

ways to to say no the final thing I'll say is when you begin to think more

say is when you begin to think more

say is when you begin to think more deeply and just observe like the first

deeply and just observe like the first

deeply and just observe like the first step to becoming a more Artful

step to becoming a more Artful

step to becoming a more Artful gatherer is literally to just start

gatherer is literally to just start

gatherer is literally to just start observing the moments of group life that

observing the moments of group life that

observing the moments of group life that you're in to get curious what's

you're in to get curious what's

you're in to get curious what's happening here are people interested in

happening here are people interested in

happening here are people interested in this meeting why is everyone on their

this meeting why is everyone on their

this meeting why is everyone on their phone at this dinner party what's Happ

phone at this dinner party what's Happ

phone at this dinner party what's Happ happening here just observe and the best

happening here just observe and the best

happening here just observe and the best guests I

guests I

guests I know sorry the best hosts I know are

know sorry the best hosts I know are

know sorry the best hosts I know are really good guests I was recently a

really good guests I was recently a

really good guests I was recently a couple of year a while ago I went to the

couple of year a while ago I went to the

couple of year a while ago I went to the bar um a bar in the Carlile in New York

bar um a bar in the Carlile in New York

bar um a bar in the Carlile in New York City and every evening as I'm told um a

City and every evening as I'm told um a

City and every evening as I'm told um a Pianist comes out at like 5:00 pm live

Pianist comes out at like 5:00 pm live

Pianist comes out at like 5:00 pm live piano player and I I walked in um with

piano player and I I walked in um with

piano player and I I walked in um with my family at the time and um they're

my family at the time and um they're

my family at the time and um they're still my family with my family and um we

still my family with my family and um we

still my family with my family and um we sat down we chatt with each other and

sat down we chatt with each other and

sat down we chatt with each other and kind of like noticed the music in the

kind of like noticed the music in the

kind of like noticed the music in the background it was beautiful but kind of

background it was beautiful but kind of

background it was beautiful but kind of noticed the music in the background

noticed the music in the background

noticed the music in the background everyone was chatting chatting chatting

everyone was chatting chatting chatting

everyone was chatting chatting chatting chatting and then and then a guest came

chatting and then and then a guest came

chatting and then and then a guest came in and they sat down at a table in front

in and they sat down at a table in front

in and they sat down at a table in front of the piano and they asked to move all

of the piano and they asked to move all

of the piano and they asked to move all of their chairs around to one side and

of their chairs around to one side and

of their chairs around to one side and they started like listening with deep

they started like listening with deep

they started like listening with deep intensity to The Pianist and after the

intensity to The Pianist and after the

intensity to The Pianist and after the first song they started clapping really

first song they started clapping really

first song they started clapping really loud and there was kind of this like

loud and there was kind of this like

loud and there was kind of this like like Ripple that went through the room

like Ripple that went through the room

like Ripple that went through the room it's like oh what's happening over there

it's like oh what's happening over there

it's like oh what's happening over there and everyone kind of turned and the P

and everyone kind of turned and the P

and everyone kind of turned and the P the piano player himself was kind of

the piano player himself was kind of

the piano player himself was kind of like seemed sort of surprised and

like seemed sort of surprised and

like seemed sort of surprised and delighted and then the next song we just

delighted and then the next song we just

delighted and then the next song we just kind of were tuned a bit more to the

kind of were tuned a bit more to the

kind of were tuned a bit more to the piano right and ATT tune a bit more and

piano right and ATT tune a bit more and

piano right and ATT tune a bit more and though and and and after every song

though and and and after every song

though and and and after every song basically people started really

basically people started really

basically people started really applauding and sort of respecting and it

applauding and sort of respecting and it

applauding and sort of respecting and it and those three guests shifted the room

and those three guests shifted the room

and those three guests shifted the room they CH they they elevated us and so

they CH they they elevated us and so

they CH they they elevated us and so whether it's in a context like that or

whether it's in a context like that or

whether it's in a context like that or whether whether it's whether it's with a

whether whether it's whether it's with a

whether whether it's whether it's with a group of friends or or a team lunch and

group of friends or or a team lunch and

group of friends or or a team lunch and you realize like we could just chitchat

you realize like we could just chitchat

you realize like we could just chitchat or we could kind of find the right

or we could kind of find the right

or we could kind of find the right conversation to

conversation to

conversation to have how might I do this in a way that

have how might I do this in a way that

have how might I do this in a way that creates more safety more chosen risk

creates more safety more chosen risk

creates more safety more chosen risk more connection and it's a practice that

more connection and it's a practice that

more connection and it's a practice that is learnable and it you don't have to be

is learnable and it you don't have to be

is learnable and it you don't have to be an extrovert you need to just be curious

an extrovert you need to just be curious

an extrovert you need to just be curious well I wish we had so much more time I

well I wish we had so much more time I

well I wish we had so much more time I have like 90 more questions for you but

have like 90 more questions for you but

have like 90 more questions for you but we have a few minutes so maybe just to

we have a few minutes so maybe just to

we have a few minutes so maybe just to wrap up um I love to just ask Sam's

wrap up um I love to just ask Sam's

wrap up um I love to just ask Sam's question he said is there a set of best

question he said is there a set of best

question he said is there a set of best practices for for Gatherings he said

practices for for Gatherings he said

practices for for Gatherings he said online in in real life but I know we

online in in real life but I know we

online in in real life but I know we won't have time to go on all that so

won't have time to go on all that so

won't have time to go on all that so maybe just the three things that come to

maybe just the three things that come to

maybe just the three things that come to mind that you would share as a as a

mind that you would share as a as a

mind that you would share as a as a closing thought for this um first I'd

closing thought for this um first I'd

closing thought for this um first I'd also direct you to my website prep

also direct you to my website prep

also direct you to my website prep parker.com we have um the answer to that

parker.com we have um the answer to that

parker.com we have um the answer to that in something called the new rules of

in something called the new rules of

in something called the new rules of gathering and the five biggest tips we

gathering and the five biggest tips we

gathering and the five biggest tips we have is in a workbook there it's free

have is in a workbook there it's free

have is in a workbook there it's free you can download it the first is the

you can download it the first is the

you can download it the first is the biggest mistake we make When We Gather

biggest mistake we make When We Gather

biggest mistake we make When We Gather is we assume that the purpose is shared

is we assume that the purpose is shared

is we assume that the purpose is shared and obvious

and obvious

and obvious don't skip asking the purpose the second

don't skip asking the purpose the second

don't skip asking the purpose the second is that openings matter think deeply

is that openings matter think deeply

is that openings matter think deeply about the world you want to create don't

about the world you want to create don't

about the world you want to create don't start with Logistics um a third is

start with Logistics um a third is

start with Logistics um a third is closings matter and most Gatherings

closings matter and most Gatherings

closings matter and most Gatherings don't end they stop so we can even do it

don't end they stop so we can even do it

don't end they stop so we can even do it here you know spend time closing out

here you know spend time closing out

here you know spend time closing out what you most want people to remember

what you most want people to remember

what you most want people to remember the majority of people that I

the majority of people that I

the majority of people that I interviewed for the art of gathering

interviewed for the art of gathering

interviewed for the art of gathering self who other people credited with

self who other people credited with

self who other people credited with consistently creating transformative

consistently creating transformative

consistently creating transformative Gatherings identifies introvert as

Gatherings identifies introvert as

Gatherings identifies introvert as sometimes on the outside of things and

sometimes on the outside of things and

sometimes on the outside of things and when I asked somebody like why do you

when I asked somebody like why do you

when I asked somebody like why do you think this is she said to me well I

think this is she said to me well I

think this is she said to me well I don't know about other people but for me

don't know about other people but for me

don't know about other people but for me as an introvert there's so many

as an introvert there's so many

as an introvert there's so many gatherings I go to and I kind of regret

gatherings I go to and I kind of regret

gatherings I go to and I kind of regret going to I feel uncomfortable I don't

going to I feel uncomfortable I don't

going to I feel uncomfortable I don't and so I create the Gatherings I wish

and so I create the Gatherings I wish

and so I create the Gatherings I wish existed in the world and usually when I

existed in the world and usually when I

existed in the world and usually when I am creating something I want to be at

am creating something I want to be at

am creating something I want to be at it's true for other people as well

it's true for other people as well

it's true for other people as well that's lovely that reminds me of the

that's lovely that reminds me of the

that's lovely that reminds me of the idea of you people write books to answer

idea of you people write books to answer

idea of you people write books to answer the questions they have themselves right

the questions they have themselves right

the questions they have themselves right it's like solving your own problems prya

it's like solving your own problems prya

it's like solving your own problems prya this has been so wonderful thank you so

this has been so wonderful thank you so

this has been so wonderful thank you so much for taking the time and for joining

much for taking the time and for joining

much for taking the time and for joining us here on the TED membership platform

us here on the TED membership platform

us here on the TED membership platform thank you so much for thank you so much

thank you so much for thank you so much

thank you so much for thank you so much for having me thank you all so much for

for having me thank you all so much for

for having me thank you all so much for being so engaged in your beautiful

being so engaged in your beautiful

being so engaged in your beautiful questions and I invite you to really

questions and I invite you to really

questions and I invite you to really just in one small way whether as host or

just in one small way whether as host or

just in one small way whether as host or as guest to take a small risk and just

as guest to take a small risk and just

as guest to take a small risk and just begin to ask like what is the need here

begin to ask like what is the need here

begin to ask like what is the need here how can I serve how might I do this

how can I serve how might I do this

how can I serve how might I do this differently thank you priia

differently thank you priia

differently thank you priia [Music]